I know that when my wife sighs and retorically asks why she couldn’t have married someone less subversive, the post topic I just pitched to her means I’m on to something.  That something is Never Been Thawed.  Think Best In Show meets Dogma, only without the redemptive hope Kevin Smith had.

Tonight while browsing through the mockumentaries on Netflix’s instant view, I came across Never Been Thawed.nbt  I think it was the cross guitar and the words “deliciously subversive” that made me push play. If you have seen Best In Show and enjoyed it, then you will think this is brilliant.  That is if you grew up in an evangelical setting and ran away to save yourself. 

Or ever saw that South Park episode where Cartman starts a ‘chrisitan’ rock band by changing the lyrics of love songs into songs about Jesus. 

Or if you aren’t offended by a movie that makes fun of Starbucks and anti-abortion rallies.  Or fake christian punk/rock bands.  Or christian rock for that matter. 

Or if you don’t mind the ‘f’ word.  The website has a link labeled ‘Concerned about profanity?’ which links to an audio file so “[c]oncerned parents can…review every dirty word in the film”.  Too funny.

I love mockumentaries because we all know people like the people being portrayed, and probably see ourselves in them as well.  If we are honest, that is.

Here is a prop image from the movie with a lead in:

The manager of the band in the movie is also the owner of No Choice Cafe, an obvious spoof of Starbucks.  In the movie he builds this cafe right across from an abortion clinic to make money from the protesters.  The character is on the cover of a spoof magazine in the movie and here is the cover:

profiteer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See, the thing is, this isn’t as far-fetched as it looks.  Sure there isn’t a magazine for “the caucasian christian businessman” as the tag line says, but that doesn’t mean people use Christianity to hawk goods and turn a profit on false piety.

Take a look at what’s on sale at CatholicShopper.com.  Or even better, how about heading over to Creation, Ichthus, Cornerstone, or any Christian music festival to watch the cash-flow orgies that take place in between shows.  T-shirts and hoodies, CDs and vinyl, stickers and Bible covers, and tons of other junk.  Just because some band is up on stage singing ‘Jesus is my boyfriend’ songs, doesn’t mean that promotions and marketing gurus aren’t hard at work.

Record companies are businesses, pure and simple.  They are trying to generate the latest buzz about some ‘indie’ band so wealthy (and not so wealthy), white Christian kids spend mom and dad’s money.  Not that advertising and trying to turn a profit is a bad thing, but to whore out what it means to follow Jesus to create that profit, well that is a problem.

And while the self-proclaimed “bad boyz of Christian rock” may be a fake band in a fake documentary, The Christers should cause American Christians to sit up and take notice of the double-standards that everyone else sees so plainly.

-mike